Friday, February 26, 2010


So, the other day, I was thinking about the resolutions I made for 2010. Why? Who knows, I like to torture myself that way. Sorry 2010... I've really been a disappointment so far...

It's almost March, and really? I am no closer to being a pole dancing ninja than I was at the close of 2009. I am not blogging with any sort of consistancy. I am certainly further in debt. (um, $200 a month in meds and supplements? wtf is that about??) And I might have gained a few pounds. Although I am no longer eating potato chips at midnight. That's because I have managed to find a supplement combination that helps me sleep better. And I am still drinking like a champ. All in all? I've had a few wins but far more losses.

Time to rally.

I actually started 2010 with good intentions. (yes, I know, I have paved many a road to hell with those.... it's like I don't even need a gps to get there anymore.) But, like life often does, things took a turn for the crazy and I sort of got off track. (which, in a way, might be good, if said road I was paving was heading where it was.... maybe?)

So anyway, here I am.... with a sort of pointless meandering blog and an update that I am starting a yoga class next week. Stage one of my pole dancing ninja plan - check.

You could say I am back on that road now. Which is fine. I figure all the cool people I know will be there anyway, so I'll be in good company when I make it to my destination.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Life is too short. It's also too long. Be careful what you wish for.

A while back, I was wishing fervently for apathy.


I should have known that would come back to bite me on my fat white ass.

Recently, it seems that my moods swing wildly..... between apathetic and wildly depressed.

Um, yeah, maybe I should have been more clear. The apathy? Was to replace the depression. Not the - few and far between - moments of feeling okay. So if someone could go ahead and fix that? It would be greatly appreciated. Life is too short to continue to feel like this all the time. It's also too long. Basically, it's just unacceptable.

Don't get me wrong.... I know I've actually got a lot going on right now. Maybe this isn't at all related to the MS stuff.... but.... isn't it easier to simply blame it on the MS?

Survey says!


(fuck you MS....)

The shit of it is, I have no idea if it's actually just the MS. I have a feeling it's not. You know how you walk in to a room.... and something just smells.... bad? And yet, you can't track the source of the odor? But it's there.... and persistent.... and you never quite get used to smelling it, so you feel compelled to keep looking around? As if somehow a rotten egg or a dead mouse is just going to appear and you can clean it up and spray some lysol and move on with things?

No? Just me? Okay then.

(although I fear now I may have influenced how you think of my housekeeping abilities....)

Life is like that though. Marriage. Job. Friends. Family. Parenthood. Health. Happiness. It's just all jumbled up, intertwined, in one big pile of mess. And somewhere? In that mess? Something might be rotting.... and I don't know what it is. And I have two choices. I can ignore the stink and hope the odor eventually becomes something I'm accustomed to.... or, I can dig through the mess, sort out the entanglement, and find out where it's coming from.

Yeah. Life is messy like that.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

You know what I hate? Fucking everything.

(this is sort of a blog where the title covers it all.)

((no, seriously. that's all I have right now.))