Tuesday, September 29, 2009

God grant me the apathy I need to not hurt these people.

Some days I wish for apathy. Let’s be honest, serenity is a lot harder to come by - I would be content with the peace of apathy.

How does one define apathy? A quick google definition search turned up numerous results.

(god bless those people at google.)

The one I liked the best was this: Void of feeling; not susceptible of deep emotion; passionless; indifferent.

One I liked, but didn’t like, was this: Complete lack of emotion or motivation about a person, activity, or object; depression; lack of interest or enthusiasm; disinterest.

One I took offense to: A symptom of several mental illnesses, apathy is a lack of emotion or interest in things one would ordinarily consider important.

(mental illness you say? screw you google-search-people.)

One that made me smile: Who gives a shit?

I would argue that being apathetic and being depressed are two different things. I am depressed. It generally makes me sad, sometimes angry, and prone to inopportune fits of crying. None of those states is a lack of emotion, by far. I want to be apathetic. What I am after is a little less emotion. Like, a few moments of none at all would be fine to offset the months of over-the-top emotions I have been feeling.

It would be bliss at this point.

None of my over-the-top emotions ever swing to the end of the spectrum where rainbows and butterflies reside.

In separate, but clearly related news, I have a call in to my doctor to reevaluate my current medications.

I hope he calls soon.

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