Monday, August 10, 2009

Irrational thinking? Check.

20 pounds.

That’s how much weight I’ve gained since my diagnosis.

No, MS does not make you gain weight. Comforting yourself with pizza does. Quieting your crazy thoughts with the crunch of potato chips does. And certainly drowning out your emotions with alcohol before they drown you? Yep, packs on the pounds.

It was only 5 months ago. 5 short months... and, in some ways, 5 very long months.

The thing that gets me is this - I worry about how easily those 20 pounds came on. I worry about how hard it will be to take them off. I worry that 20 will become 40. And 40 will become 80. And 80 will become an invitation for diabetes. And then, because of my diabetes and poor circulation, I will need my foot amputated and it won’t matter anyway because my MS will have me in a wheelchair by then. The footless cripple who’s too big for her husband to move her and whose daughter doesn’t want to bring friends to the house because she's embarrassed.


20 pounds.


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