Saturday, February 26, 2011

Is this how Dorothy felt? There better be some fucking munchkins somewhere. And a wizard. And some really fabulous shoes.

I fucking hate MS. I mean, I haven’t had an MS rant on here in a long while, so it’s only fair, but really? Really MS?? Are we just going to do this dance where you taunt and tease and fuck with me? Cause honestly? I’d rather pass.

The last many days I’ve just felt…. off. Not right. Partly like I could crawl right up out of my own skin and partly like I could rip someone out of theirs. Partly like I’m getting a cold and partly like every bone and muscle in my body is just aching for a revolt.

If it’s going to come? Then just fucking come already. Hit me with whatever you’ve got MS. Body pains, crying fits, brain fog that leaves me a barely functional adult, fatigue that cripples - whatever. Take your pick. Dealer’s choice. Let’s just have at it already!

This bullshit of it hanging over my head though? Thoroughly exhausting. I had one really good clear day in the last week. One. And while I really enjoyed that day? It just stands in stark contrast to every other day recently. Not a full on MS attack but not right either. I’m just…. off.

And I’m tired of it.

I’m tired of waiting for the storm to come. I’m tired of noting every little tick and twitch and ache and pain and wondering if it’s just a passing flit of whatever or if it’s the harbinger of MS doom. And that’s the thing with MS. When the attacks hit? It’s easy to look back and see all the signs that the storm was coming. The gray and foreboding horizon. The clouds rolling in. The thunder in the distance. How could I have *not* seen it?

There’s a storm on the horizon… something wicked this way comes… and whatever other catchy sayings apply. I just wish it would hurry the fuck up and get here. Or, you know, detour right on by me all together. Cause I am tired of feeling so off balance.

I’m just so tired.


  1. Thinking of you, ya...

  2. i'm with you here....

    i'm so tired of being tired....

    tired of the jaw twitch that may or may not mean the TN is returning

    tired of walking now, and stumbling in 5 minutes...

    tired of thinking clearly... what? i don't remember.... did you just tell me something?...