Friday, May 13, 2011

My friends are totally funnier than me. (unless I am imagining them) ((in that case? I am fucking hysterical))

This is the uneditted text conversation between myself and my girlfriend who somehow knows exactly what it's like to live in my head.

Awesome Girlfriend: I have an idea....

Yes.....? :Me

AGF: u guys should start a weekend poker and/or blackjack gaming night... and then ur dream of bartending can come to fruition.

AGF: OR: you could just serve up drinks when I drive by + know ur in there drinking... I should be allowed to quick pull my car in-leave it running if I'm pretending to be at CVS + do a quick shot, served by Jamie-Jack-Daniels, my neighborly barmaid... and then roll out...

Here? Cause right now this place is more romper-room meets hoarders than a bar - but I'm a fan of the concept. I'm feeling like complete shit so I'm about to mix myself a drink and pop a Xanax/benedryll combo and hope for the best. :Me

AGF: and, yes-these are TRULY the things I think of.

Then I like the way you think. It's just a quick left on gerloff instead of a right. And btw? "heroics" is apparently auto text for gerloff. Who knew? :Me

AGF: Bahaha-that made me snort out loud...romper room meets hoarders...I won't judge u:) why don't u feel good?

I don't know. My sinuses are going nuts all of a sudden so I'm either getting sick or have an allergy to rain. Plus? I have the lovely sensation of my skin itching/crawling, which is usually an MS thing but maybe it's allergic to my sinuses. Either way, I am trying to kill it with Xanax and rum. Seems logical, right? :Me

*scratch scratch scratch* :Me

AGF: Actually that happens to me quite often from my allergies--it even feels like its UNDER my skin. It makes me scratch like a fiend coming off heroin. Not fun. Oh well, the xanax + rum is sure to kill something... sensations, itchiness, hearts, liver, so - any way u look at it: win/win.

Totally my thinking. It's like you're in my head. :Me

AGF: That's what they all say;)

Hahaha. Devil woman. ;-) :Me

AGF: Oh-i forgot to mention that in my fantasy-land of alcohol + gambling--its all done in pj's. Its a prerequisite for entry.

YESSSSSSS..... this is good, very very good. :Me

AGF: Do u want actual "allergy medicine" for tomorrow? I have allegra-d + also regular allegra?

I have allergy stuffs too but I'm going to wait to see if I can do without. For all the meds I take? For sine reason I hate all the allergy/sinus stuff. Go figure. :Me

AGF: I'm actually leaving here now to get my moms dog-i'll drop it off

AGF: Oh-wait--u meant pj's!!hahahah--ok-so-u don't need allegra?

Yes, pjs good. Meds unnecessary. I have a pharmacy here. lol :Me

My phone is apparently on a delay or something. lmao :Me

AGF: Pharmacy just makes the bar an even better idea.

And btw? I am totally going to plan a poker/pj party. I have you and Kevin RSVPed as "attending" so I'll let you know when it is. You'll need to clear your social calendar. By "social calendar" I obviously mean "shit-ass mom duties". And by "pjs" I mean "comfy sit-my-ass-around-my-house-and-wonder-where-the-stain-on-my-shirt-came-from pjs".... not the cutesy "aren't-I-sexy-in-this-wanna-be-Victorias-Secret-get-up" shit because no one actually wears that. No one. :Me

AGF: We'll keep it a classy joint though-pills can only be swallowed-no crushing+snorting-thats just trashy. Especially when we're all in our pjs.

Amen. I'll have that hand painted on a little sign that hangs over the pile of kids toys.... um, I mean, the bar. :Me

AGF: And a crate large enuf to house all our kids-with a water bottle attached to the side-u know,like bunnies have-but filled w/benadryl for them.

PERFECT..... :Me

AGF: Love it! Count us in! And ps-anyone who wears pjs like THAT can come-but better be prepared to be the focal point of every joke that comes out of our mouths.

I just read this whole conversation to chris. All he did was shake his head. I'm going to take that as affirmation that the pj/poker night rocks. (not that he's just amazed/worried at how similar our collective genius is.) :Me

I'll plan it for early June then. Excuse me as I go get a tissue for the snot that just ran down my face. Seriously. But only from the left nostril. I hate my nose right now. :Me

AGF: I swear to god-i was just writing that its not fair for us (you) to expect him to be able to comprehend the magnitude of "genius" that we possess.

Lol I am so posting this conversation on FB. The world needs to know how awesome we are. Charlie Sheen has nothing on us. :Me

AGF: Its intimidating to most. No wonder I have, like, one friend.

I have two. I think. One could be imaginary. I take a lot of meds. Are we really having this conversation?? Or am I texting myself? I really wouldn't know. For real. :Me

AGF: Its cool. Its just another sign of the genius within.

Duh. I should have known that. Beautiful Mind and all.  :Me

AGF: No-its real. After all-if we can't put our inner-superhuman-intelligence to work? Then, we are just average laymen sitting at home drinking and popping meds,no?

Right. And that can't be the case. I mean, look at how fabulous we are. Clearly we are superhuman. :Me

Btw? I need a refill. And I totally mixed my drink in a disposable coffee cup and drank it through two stirrers. It kept the ice from melting, there's no clean up, and it might be my solution to hating my mornings, quite frankly. :Me

AGF: I was beginning to think u died from ur cocktail combo.

No. Apparently my phone us just on delay. You're like, a mile from my house, but the message has to bounce from 17 satellites to reach you. Technology rocks. We should totally tie two soup cans together with string. Although I don't know how well that would transmit texts....  :Me

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