Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Where's *my* gay knight in shining gold lamé?

This past week I saw a repeat of the Glee “Madonna” episode.

Wait, let me back up, as I feel this needs clarification: I am not a Gleek. It’s not that I don’t enjoy the show - its fun and I do enjoy it. But, I’m not super into it. I’m not terribly aware of all the current issues with each character and who is with whom or wants to be with someone else. Basically, if it’s on and I come across it, I watch it. I try to figure out when it is in the timeline of the show based on if the blond cheer leader is pregnant, who the teacher guy is with, and/or if the brunette “hot music geek” is currently crushing on, with, or broken up with the male “hot music geek/quarterback”.

Okay, back to the rest of my story….

The Madonna episode?



And really? I am now in love with Kurt. LOVE. It’s serious people. Like, I want him to be my (totally fictional pretend) gay bff. Because I love him. And really? I’ve never had a gay bff and that is a damn tragedy. I? Should have a gbff.

He’s snarky. He’s catty. But he’s also kind. He falls into completely impossible love. (and speaks so eloquently about it, it makes my heart ache.) ((yes, I am aware he’s a fictional character and the writers are the eloquent ones, but just suspend reality a bit with me, won’t you??)) And he would so honestly tell me if my butt looks too big in any given outfit and how much sparkle is too much sparkle. Plus, he sings. I dig that. In my head? I can *totally* sing. And since this gbff relationship will only exist in my head, it’s a perfect match.

(it’s the little look right around 2:53 that sold me, just so you know….)

Don’t get me wrong - I have gay friends. I am a big big fan of the gays. I’ve just never had a gay bff. I fear there is something inherent in me that makes me not suitable hag material and that breaks my gay-loving heart. I have friends that are hags and I am so jealous. Super jealous. I want to steal their gbffs away and go trash talking over some martinis.

I do believe I have figured out the issue though - I like guys. In fact, I prefer them to women - I mean, in the obvious way, but also as friends. I love my guy friends and a lot of my friends are guys. But they are straight and they dig me too - because I am the girl friend that is “just one of the guys”. I’ve got a lot of tomboy in me. I want to play poker. I want to watch football. I talk shit. I drink and eat like a guy. Basically, short of peeing standing up and the fact that I have all those nice soft curvy parts - oh, and the smelling nice thing - I’m kind of a dude.

I am thinking that most gay men don’t dig on tomboys… even those that are also fabulous snarky bitches. Because that? I clearly am.

Okay, so actually? listening to that is *kinda* like listening to myself. Maybe instead of being a tomboy I actually have a gayboy inside me? Which, would then explain all the obvious reasons that I like boys too.

Hmmm…. this is getting confusing.

I’m pretty sure if I had a gbff though? He could totally make sense of this.

(which really? brings this post full circle.)

“I think you’re 14 and you’re an idiot. You took a roofie from a priest. Look at your life. Look at your choices.”

(it’s like he was listening in my office or something.)

((for real.))

1 comment:

  1. I'll be you gay bff. However; I'm a girl. But I am also a Leo. And you, are a friend in my head already.